I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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