your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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