She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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