Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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