I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
