I could make wine with my vomit
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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