that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
