WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
