thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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