Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
