My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
