Pants 0. Shit 1.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
