I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
