He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
