i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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