I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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