I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
