sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
