You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
