Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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