brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
