so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
