I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
