just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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