At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
how does that bad decision feel?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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