How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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