What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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