I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
