youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
