True but thats because hes a fetus.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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