Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
