The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
