I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize