Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
