She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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