So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
