My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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