So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't turn off my feet"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
