hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
