This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
