just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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