Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
