I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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