closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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