you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
