...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
