just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
