We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
