Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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