he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
