Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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