Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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