Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
