Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Randomize
