your room smells of hookers.
And success
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
