Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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